Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Your Past, Your Baggage & Your Worth

Lesson #1: Don’t let a man (or woman) lessen your worth based on your past “mistakes” or experiences.

Would it pain you to know this HAS happened to me in my dating life, multiple times? I decided to be open about the story of placing my birth son in an open adoption with some of the guys I dated. Since I “wore” my mistake, it became a whole lot worse in their books.

Sadly, some of those closest to me thought I shouldn’t share my story with people because it might deter boys from dating me. Having seriously grown up in the past few years (and deciding that I will not be controlled by shame), I realize just how messed up that idea is! I should hide an experience because a boy may not want to date me? And his parents may disapprove of him dating someone like me?! Considering the background and culture in which I grew up in, I expected that my mistakes could be forgiven and forgotten. Clearly though, something isn’t clicking for all.  Why should I feel shame for living my life and having experiences I’ve grown from? The guys I’ve dated may have made the same “mistake” as I, but mine was worse according to them. Some claimed they just couldn’t handle it because they always viewed the girl they wanted to be with, as a virgin.

My experience was placed on some kind of scale – where they, themselves got to be the judge.

Talk about some major BS!! Some people live in a fantasy land with a fantasy idea that’s been built in their head about the perfect, worthy woman or man. I’ve also heard about boys discounting my worthiness to other boys who were interested in me – and yes, they are BOYS. Real men and woman with integrity do not take the opportunity to discount your worth based on your past experiences. Nor do they look you in the face and say what they’ve done is not as bad as what you’ve done. I won’t allow this kind of hypocrisy near my life anymore and I don’t think you should either.

I am grateful for my current relationships where I am loved for my experiences and constantly uplifted regardless of my past choices (yes these people do exist). Be weary of keeping a person close or dating someone who ranks your sins and takes it upon themselves to judge your worthiness. And don’t be the person doing this as it is extremely hurtful and very damaging to a person’s self-esteem. Wait and search out the people and relationships that have a higher standard of operating. It is SO worth it to be in a safe, loving, uplifting relationship.

Just to be clear, I am not dismissing the importance of choosing your relationships wisely. It is important to know someone’s background, what they stand for, and how they function (healthy, unhealthy).  A relationship wherein it becomes emotional, verbal, or physically abusive is never OK.

However, I am saying that a guy who makes you feel unworthy to date him over the fact that you drink Diet Coke regularly, is some kind of BS hypocrisy you can throw out the window. My life is funny, right?! ;)  


  1. Kylie the more I learn about your life the more respect and admiration I have for you. When I was told about you my friend brought up your past right off because he was so impressed and inspired by you! Don't let the assholes get you down, you are one of the most real and genuine people I know.

    1. I wish I knew who this was!! Thank you for leaving such a nice comment!! And thank you to your friend for speaking so kindly of me :) Thanks for making my day!!!