Friday, February 26, 2016

Trial and Error - A Journal Entry

I underestimated the amount of time and emotional energy it takes to run a blog when I started, especially one that is so close to my heart. But I’m back and it’s thanks to the many family, friends, and acquaintances who have encouraged me to continue. Plus, I do enjoy writing whether it’s publicly or personally. A lot of change and growth can happen in a year and a half, so I’m here to share some more. This time around I’m looking at not only sharing my ever expanding experiences with open adoption, but also include snidbits of a 20 something’s life strategies. Having a community where I can find positivity & connection is extremely helpful to me personally, and I am hoping to create that for my readers. Looking outside of ourselves is important and as my own personal family motto goes, “We can do hard things together.”

I hope you enjoy what I have to share and understand that these are experiences and opinions of mine. They may not necessarily work for YOU and your life and/or situation, but I am here to simply be supportive. Please feel free to message me if you have any personal inquiries, or leave a comment with what you would like to hear about.
To kick things off, let me share with you an experience I had visiting Dayton and his adoptive family early last year:

"He can talk! Run around, play with his toys (preferably batman themed), and color with crayons. I'm watching this little boy make the funniest, cutest, and most creative faces. His eyes are captivating - big, beautiful green olives speckled with brown. And those lashes?! Long and dark, making those wide eyes pop! Who is this little being? Light blonde eyebrows, small button nose...I know those features. All of his energy and curiosity...I know that too. When he talks? His own language...and I get it. As he runs around with his short little legs, I realize that this young boy is all too familiar to my senses. I see it now. He is the baby I birthed nearly three and a half years ago. However, he is no longer a baby, but a toddler. A loud, stubborn, smart, independent toddler, soaking in everything that little mind of his can possibly comprehend. With his age, I realized I was better connecting with him. It hit me like a semi-truck... this little boy, sweet Dayton, now knows I'm his "friend". Cue a waterfall of tears. 

Where has the time gone? In August [2015], Dayton will turn four - this makes NO sense to me. The closer that date comes, the more I realize I have done myself a great injustice. I must write about him. I must write about the blessing that he is to me and I must share it! Even just to share it with myself. Maybe he will even be interested in reading my stories and thoughts one day, and have a better understanding of the depth of my love for him. His adoptive family are my loved ones too - genuine, kind people and I am so lucky to have them!

Here's to focusing on writing a bit more. Trial and error. The greatest lessons in life evoke strong emotion and with that comes motivation for new goals and commitments. Here I go again..."

It's ok to try something again. How else will we get better?


  1. What a beautiful post! Your love fills the page and warms my heart! Thank you for having the courage to share so much of yourself with us!

    1. Thank you! And thank you for reading! <3

  2. very special what you are doing Kylie :) I am sure it will help alot of people!