Sunday, May 25, 2014

My Open Adoption

First and foremost, I would like to express my gratitude for the support I have received since releasing this blog. It has spread farther and faster than I could have ever imagined! And it's thanks to you - my readers, friends, and family. I owe my appreciation and thanks to you.

Open adoption refers to the sharing of information and/or contacts between the adoptive and biological parents of an adopted child, before and/or after the placement of the child, and perhaps continuing for the life of the child.

Today, I want to share with you my thoughts on an open adoption. It was a choice I made for many reasons and thankfully, I was lead to the right family. (Please keep in mind my choices and experience may not be same for another birth mother. In no way is every girl or situation the same) Following my emotional experience in stumbling upon a family I was interested in - the Miller's - the day came where I needed to email them, and I was so nervous. Within this email came the question of all questions that I needed to ask, "How do you feel about an open adoption?". Luckily for me, they're response was calming...they preferred open adoptions. Not only this, but the type of open adoption and relationship they wanted with a birth mother was rare and beautiful in my eyes. They were not threatened by me - unlike another couple I had emailed out of curiosity - who replied to my question with a harsh uncertainty. 

My decision to go with an open adoption became clear and simple after hearing stories of other birth mothers who had chosen and/or were forced into closed or semi-open adoptions. Their struggles and emotional well-being suffered tremendously from the lack of knowledge that their son/daughter was growing up happily. Some had been pressured or even forced to place their baby by their parents or family, while others chose semi-open adoptions because that was all that was allowed at the time. I wanted the knowledge that my little baby boy was happy - I wanted to watch him grow. In all honesty, there were times of doubt. Times where I wondered if I would be able to handle seeing him being raised by others... not having a say in his life. 

Possession. Control. Uncertainty. Loss. 

These feelings were very real to me. However, look closer. 


That's right. My doubts wreaked of selfishness. It was OK and is completely normal to have these feelings - BUT - where was my faith? Of course I would make a great mom! No question there. I had seen a few of my friends successfully single parent their child. I also had a supportive family who would help me out. However, there were other things and people that would affect my baby's life...and how would I feel if these things negatively impacted my son? It clicked one day when the best advice I ever received was this: 

"Take yourself completely out of the picture. What is best for your baby? Not for you. Not for your family. Think of only your son. What do you want for him in life?"

Words from good 'ol Mr. Keele (my counselor at the time) hit home. After doing as asked, I came to realize that what the Millers' had to offer for the baby growing in my belly, was what was best for him and his life. Hands down. Two weeks later, at 8 months pregnant, I met the Miller family. I loved who they were, including their other two adopted children. It felt as though I knew them and their warm hearts already... They were exactly the family that this baby was meant for. Terms and whatnot were discussed with ease. I was, and still am, so incredibly lucky for such fabulous adoptive parents to Dayton. Little did I know, they would become even more special to me.

    Not only have I received countless emails, texts, and pictures sent from the Millers', Alliene (the adoptive mother) created an Instagram account where I can follow her and her family's adventures. In the summer of 2013, my family and I were able to vacation with them at Disneyland in southern California. This past January, I was in Arizona and was able to meet up with them for a Zoo day and grab some dinner afterwards :) I feel like the luckiest girl. Placing my everything in the Lord's hands and keeping faith in his path for me, gave me the ability to learn what true love is. Though a trying time in my life, I was able to bless this family with a little miracle. My heart is so full - I only hope and pray that any girl who faces these circumstances can feel at peace with their decision as I have mine. 

    Stay tuned...Alliene (adoptive mother) will be a guest blogger next week!! I can't tell you how excited I am for her to share her own story on open adoption.

    1 comment:

    1. How wonderful that you have had such a good experience with an open adoption! What a wonderful gift